Won't Help Heal Your Broken Heart
By Susie and Otto Collins
Juliette has tried just about everything. She took a cruise,
went on several blind dates, ate an entire pint of ice
cream, worked overtime at her office for a week and even
slept with a guy she hardly knew.
None of this has helped Juliette heal her broken heart.
When Bob, Juliette's boyfriend of 5 years, left her, she
felt like her heart was broken into a million pieces. Her
life seemed like it would never be the same.
For several days after Bob admitted to Juliette that he'd
been having an affair and that he was leaving her for this
other woman, she did not leave her apartment.
All she could do was cry and cry.
Finally, her well-meaning friends literally forced Juliette
to take a shower, get dressed and accompany them to a club.
After a few drinks, Juliette found that she could forget--
for at least a little while-- the excruciating pain and
But the next morning, Juliette's broken heart feelings
returned and she felt as torn apart as she did the day Bob
As horrible as it is to live with a broken heart after a
relationship breakup or a betrayal, you can't distract
yourself enough to truly release the pain and move on.
It's true, you can keep yourself so busy that-- for a period
of time-- your painful feelings are not taking you over.
But what you'll probably find is that those pushed aside
emotions are festering and maybe even building up and will
return when you stop being busy.
We're not suggesting that you allow yourself to be taken
over by your broken heart. To let the pain and upset
overshadow your entire life right now is also not the
In both cases, you can literally make yourself sick!
Instead, we recommend that you allow yourself to honor where
you are in each moment and what you are feeling AND to also
gravitate toward what soothes you and brings you ease.
Allow what you are feeling.
If you are triggered by a memory, something said by another
person, or a special anniversary, honor this.
Crying can be a healthy release of grief. It is natural and
understandable if that's what comes up for you.
You could journal in a notebook about how you are feeling.
You might need to punch pillows, burn old photos or let out
your anger about what happened as well.
No matter what you are feeling, be sure that you are not
causing harm to yourself or another person as you find ways
to let it out.
We find that focusing on what you are feeling more than on a
particular string of thoughts or a story about an event or
person can be helpful.
You can usually more easily move through the intense
emotions rather than get caught up in them.
For example, when Juliette continues to play out in her mind
Bob with this other woman, she feels angry, rejected and
If she can put more of her attention on acknowledging those
emotions and less on
these images in her mind, she can move through the feelings
rather than be further torn apart by them.
Keep doing what soothes you.
Juliette has also found that forcing herself to move on with
men by going on blind dates, making herself flirt, etc. is
not soothing to her!
She appreciates her friends' advice to "get back in the
game," but she decides to take a different approach.
Instead, Juliette asks her friends to support her by keeping
her company and not trying to set her up with other guys.
Juliette begins to go to the movies, bowling, for hikes and
other pleasing activities with people she knows and cares
about. These activities are not distractions for Juliette
because when she feels
like crying or being alone, she listens to her needs and
When she craves company and some light-hearted fun, she
calls a friend.
Pay attention to the people and activities in your life that
help you feel easier about your situation and may even bring
you some happiness.
Do these things and surround yourself with these people more
of the time.
It can truly be as simple as this.
Everyone heals from a broken heart differently. It is up to
you to stay tuned in to what you need at any one moment and
then follow through as best as you can to meet that need.