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Break Up and a Broken Heart

Why Distractions Won't Help Heal Your Broken Heart
By Susie and Otto Collins

Juliette has tried just about everything. She took a cruise, went on several blind dates, ate an entire pint of ice cream, worked overtime at her office for a week and even slept with a guy she hardly knew.

None of this has helped Juliette heal her broken heart.

When Bob, Juliette's boyfriend of 5 years, left her, she felt like her heart was broken into a million pieces. Her life seemed like it would never be the same.

For several days after Bob admitted to Juliette that he'd been having an affair and that he was leaving her for this other woman, she did not leave her apartment.

All she could do was cry and cry.

Finally, her well-meaning friends literally forced Juliette to take a shower, get dressed and accompany them to a club.

After a few drinks, Juliette found that she could forget-- for at least a little while-- the excruciating pain and grief.

But the next morning, Juliette's broken heart feelings returned and she felt as torn apart as she did the day Bob moved out.

As horrible as it is to live with a broken heart after a relationship breakup or a betrayal, you can't distract yourself enough to truly release the pain and move on.

It's true, you can keep yourself so busy that-- for a period of time-- your painful feelings are not taking you over.

But what you'll probably find is that those pushed aside emotions are festering and maybe even building up and will return when you stop being busy.

We're not suggesting that you allow yourself to be taken over by your broken heart. To let the pain and upset overshadow your entire life right now is also not the answer.

In both cases, you can literally make yourself sick!

Instead, we recommend that you allow yourself to honor where you are in each moment and what you are feeling AND to also gravitate toward what soothes you and brings you ease.

Allow what you are feeling.
If you are triggered by a memory, something said by another person, or a special anniversary, honor this.

Crying can be a healthy release of grief. It is natural and understandable if that's what comes up for you.

You could journal in a notebook about how you are feeling. You might need to punch pillows, burn old photos or let out your anger about what happened as well.

No matter what you are feeling, be sure that you are not causing harm to yourself or another person as you find ways to let it out.

We find that focusing on what you are feeling more than on a particular string of thoughts or a story about an event or person can be helpful.

You can usually more easily move through the intense emotions rather than get caught up in them.

For example, when Juliette continues to play out in her mind Bob with this other woman, she feels angry, rejected and sad.

If she can put more of her attention on acknowledging those emotions and less on
these images in her mind, she can move through the feelings rather than be further torn apart by them.

Keep doing what soothes you.
Juliette has also found that forcing herself to move on with men by going on blind dates, making herself flirt, etc. is not soothing to her!

She appreciates her friends' advice to "get back in the game," but she decides to take a different approach.

Instead, Juliette asks her friends to support her by keeping her company and not trying to set her up with other guys.

Juliette begins to go to the movies, bowling, for hikes and other pleasing activities with people she knows and cares about. These activities are not distractions for Juliette because when she feels
like crying or being alone, she listens to her needs and does that.

When she craves company and some light-hearted fun, she calls a friend.

Pay attention to the people and activities in your life that help you feel easier about your situation and may even bring you some happiness.

Do these things and surround yourself with these people more of the time.

It can truly be as simple as this.

Everyone heals from a broken heart differently. It is up to you to stay tuned in to what you need at any one moment and then follow through as best as you can to meet that need.







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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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