Rebuilding Tips & Advice
Lies and Lying
Save Your Marriage
Break Up and a Broken Heart
About Susie and Otto
Break Up and a Broken Heart
Advice When Your
Broken Heart Feels So Bad, You Don't Know What To Do
By Susie and Otto Collins
A reader who is trying to heal after a painful breakup involving
infidelity and lying described her anguish in this way:
"My heart hurts so bad. I have never felt so much pain.... My
self esteem is shot to hell and I no longer feel pretty and sexy...
I don't know what to do. I deserve someone who loves me and only
How do I get this?"
Clearly, this woman who wrote to us has been through a lot!
The relationship that she thought she had, turned out to be
something quite different. Her partner was lying to her and
Although this woman knows in her heart that breaking up was the
wisest decision, she is still grieving the loss of the man she
While part of her craves being in a healthier relationship in which
her partner is truly committed to her, another part of her questions
her own worth and attractiveness.
This is how damaging broken heart pain can be.
If you are also trying to heal after a breakup or divorce, you might
be going through some of the same conflicting and painful feelings
and thoughts that are described by our reader above.
Deep down inside, you may know that this is truly for the best. At
the same time, you might be doubting if you can ever have the kind
of relationship you deserve and desire.
You may even be doubting if you'll ever feel happy and ready for
another relationship again.
Here are some of the main suggestions that we offered our reader
in response to her e-mail...
Deliberately choose to focus on your future.
In order to heal from your breakup and begin to position yourself
for the future you want, it's vital that you continue to return to
the declaration you made: "I deserve someone who loves me and
You might even write down this declaration-- or another one that
feels affirming-- on a piece of paper and carry it in your pocket or
place it at your desk where you can re-read it when you find
yourself focusing on your ex.
If you want to move past this breakup, you need to make deliberate
When something happens to trigger upset for you, acknowledge to
yourself that you feel sad, angry, hurt (or whatever it is that you
Next, consciously bring your attention back to something that brings
you relief. It might be that slip of paper with your declaration
written on it.
It may be an uplifting saying, song or prayer. It
could be a reassuring look from a friend or co-worker who knows that
you are struggling with this and who is willing to offer you
Surround yourself with people and things that are soothing.
Find out what things (create a list) help you feel better and then
go to those things when you find yourself lost in the past of what
your relationship with this man used to be like or questions about
why this happened and how could he act this way now.
Turn to the people, activities and things that are truly nourishing
and ease-ful for you.
Yes, eating a whole container of ice cream might feel soothing in
the moment, but will you feel any better after the sugar high has
Rely on that which helps you acknowledge where you are and also
keeps you pointed in the direction you want to go-- feeling improved
and possibly even happy.
This combination of recognizing and re-focusing can help you to heal
and move on.
If you'd like more ideas and help healing your broken heart, sign
up for Susie and Otto's
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