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Break Up and a Broken Heart

Advice When Your Broken Heart Feels So Bad, You Don't Know What To Do
By Susie and Otto Collins

A reader who is trying to heal after a painful breakup involving infidelity and lying described her anguish in this way:

"My heart hurts so bad. I have never felt so much pain.... My self esteem is shot to hell and I no longer feel pretty and sexy... I don't know what to do. I deserve someone who loves me and only me...
How do I get this?"

Clearly, this woman who wrote to us has been through a lot!

The relationship that she thought she had, turned out to be something quite different. Her partner was lying to her and cheating.

Although this woman knows in her heart that breaking up was the wisest decision, she is still grieving the loss of the man she loved.

While part of her craves being in a healthier relationship in which her partner is truly committed to her, another part of her questions her own worth and attractiveness.

This is how damaging broken heart pain can be.

If you are also trying to heal after a breakup or divorce, you might be going through some of the same conflicting and painful feelings and thoughts that are described by our reader above.

Deep down inside, you may know that this is truly for the best. At the same time, you might be doubting if you can ever have the kind of relationship you deserve and desire.

You may even be doubting if you'll ever feel happy and ready for another relationship again.

Here are some of the main suggestions that we offered our reader in response to her e-mail...

Deliberately choose to focus on your future.
In order to heal from your breakup and begin to position yourself for the future you want, it's vital that you continue to return to the declaration you made: "I deserve someone who loves me and only me."

You might even write down this declaration-- or another one that feels affirming-- on a piece of paper and carry it in your pocket or place it at your desk where you can re-read it when you find yourself focusing on your ex.

If you want to move past this breakup, you need to make deliberate choices.

When something happens to trigger upset for you, acknowledge to yourself that you feel sad, angry, hurt (or whatever it is that you feel).

Next, consciously bring your attention back to something that brings you relief. It might be that slip of paper with your declaration written on it.

It may be an uplifting saying, song or prayer. It
could be a reassuring look from a friend or co-worker who knows that you are struggling with this and who is willing to offer you support.

Surround yourself with people and things that are soothing.
Find out what things (create a list) help you feel better and then go to those things when you find yourself lost in the past of what your relationship with this man used to be like or questions about why this happened and how could he act this way now.

Turn to the people, activities and things that are truly nourishing and ease-ful for you.

Yes, eating a whole container of ice cream might feel soothing in the moment, but will you feel any better after the sugar high has passed?

Rely on that which helps you acknowledge where you are and also keeps you pointed in the direction you want to go-- feeling improved and possibly even happy.

This combination of recognizing and re-focusing can help you to heal and move on.
If you'd like more ideas and help healing your broken heart, sign up for Susie and Otto's FREE mini-course


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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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