Broken Heart Healing Hints
By Susie and Otto Collins
Kara is pretty sure that she will never be able to love
again. Finding out that her fiance, Greg, had been cheating
on her for over a year with an acquaintance of theirs pulled
the rug from under her feet and tore her apart emotionally.
Since her breakup with Greg, Kara has been able to do little
more than go to work during the day
and then collapse into sobs and tears every night.
As you might already know, when your heart feels broken,
life can be literally swallowed up by pain or numbness from
the grief you are experiencing.
When the one you love has betrayed you by having an affair
or betraying you in some other way, everything you thought
you knew to be true is shaken up and, sometimes, your life
seems like it will never be pleasing again.
As upset as you might be, there is probably a part of you--
perhaps deep inside-- that wants to feel better again. It
might be difficult to think about anything other than how
torn up you feel inside.
But we're betting that you also would like relief from this
pain and upset.
In her post-breakup stupor, Kara is having a difficult time
moving past what happened and how distraught she is about
Right now Kara and Greg were supposed to be planning
their wedding and their happy future together.
She was not supposed to be sitting here starting at old
photos and crying!
The trouble is Kara feels stuck in the past. Greg's
cheating and their breakup shook her to her core. How could
this happen to her?
She wants to feel better but mostly feels nothing but pain
and emptiness about the ended relationship.
Allow your feelings and let them move through you.
Right now it might seem challenging to you to do more than
just get through your day without collapsing into those raw
feelings that seem never ending.
You'd like to experience some emotional relief and maybe one
day even be happy again-- but that seems far far away.
We recommend that you allow yourself to feel whatever you
are feeling right now. This might be unwelcome advice and
you may feel done with the grief and tears.
When you allow your feelings, make it your intention to let
them move through you.
Keep yourself focused on your
feelings themselves and less on the stories or details of
events that you might link to the emotions.
It is sometimes easier to release difficult emotions when
you focus on the feelings and keep breathing. After you've
cried, for example, you might take a deep cleansing breath
and then do something different than you usually do.
Step outside and talk a walk in the sun. Spend some time
with a friend or family member who is an uplifting person.
When you combine allowing the flow of your feelings with a
different than usual action, you can often more easily
release from the stuck place you've been in.
Stay present and engaged with life.
Kara has started going to the gym several evenings a week.
She still cries and even finds herself looking through old
photos from time to time.
But she is beginning to really look forward to the wonderful
feel of the pool water as she swims or the rhythm of the
treadmill under her feet as she
Kara is not exercising to avoid her feelings. She makes time
for whatever emotions arise within her. But she finds that
this new routine is helping her to get out of the past and
come back to the present moment.
It physically feels great too!
Find an activity or practice that helps you re-engage with
life in the present moment. You might begin meditating or
join a soccer league.
Consider taking a class at your local
recreation center to learn a new hobby or craft if that
The idea behind this hint is not to deny the sadness or
grief you might be feeling.
Instead, it's to give you something in the here and now to
re-focus your attention upon-- preferably something that is
interesting or pleasing
Make note of improvements.
When you feel less upset or consumed by grief than usual,
make a mental note of that. Congratulate yourself when you
feel some relief or improvement in your life. This is a sign
that healing has taken place.
Build upon this sense of improvement and know that you can
feel this way more and more of the time.
When you have days
that are more difficult, be patient with yourself and know
that the relief will come when you try hints such as those
we've shared with you here.
Remind yourself that you have been happy in the past and
that you will be happy again in the future. It is possible
and you are worthy of feeling happy and loved.