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Break Up and a Broken Heart

How to Heal the Pain of a Broken Heart
By Susie and Otto Collins

There's no doubt about it. After a breakup, the pain and hurt can feel like it dominates your entire life.  Regardless of other events and relationships going on for you, the experiences you had around the betrayal or breakup can seem to be the only thing you can think about.

To move past your broken heart pain, toward relief and even closer to renewed happiness, a key is to widen your view.

Have you ever stood on a beach by the ocean with a storm brewing in the distance? If so, you've probably felt or watched the increasing power of the waves, tides and winds.

From where you stand on the beach, it's usually difficult to notice much else that's going on except for the strength of those all-encompassing waves and winds. You probably left the beach before that storm hit-- otherwise you might literally be swept away!

As you probably already know, broken heart pain can sometimes feel like those ocean waves and winds. You may feel like you are being pummeled by stormy conditions in your own life right now and that these are forces far beyond your control.

Your best at this very moment might
just be to keep yourself upright and minimally functioning.

Especially when your hurt feelings are triggered, it may seem nearly impossible to notice anything but the pain and your broken heart.

When Jake's 15 year marriage to Kirsten ended abruptly with her admission of an affair and request for a divorce, he was floored. Since Kirsten moved out 3 weeks ago, Jake's existence seems like it will never be the same.

goes through the motions at his job and when interacting with extended family and friends. Just about anything and everything reminds him of Kirsten. The way she betrayed him and then cut him out of her life so completely has sent him
in a tailspin of numbness and pain that seems all-

Jake went to a basketball game with friends recently but it seemed pointless. All conversations-- no matter how careful his friends were-- seemed to spark in Jake new waves of heartache.

If Jake's situation resonates with where you are and you'd like to move beyond this painful, past-oriented place, consider widening your view.

Start where you are.
In order to widen your view and find some relief from your broken heart, start right where you are. Find ways to come back to this very moment and start to look around.

As difficult-- or even silly-- as it might seem, pretend that wherever you are is the first time you've been there.

You might be in your home, at work, or even filling up your car with gas. Just simply notice your surroundings. When what you've predominantly been seeing is the pain of the betrayal or breakup, starting simple can be an effective first step.

After Jake's miserable experience at the basketball game with friends, the next evening he decides to visit a park nearby his house. This has always been a special place for Jake-- a place for renewal, exercise, and fun. In fact, he and Kirsten used to walk their dog together here just about every evening.

Jake goes to this park even with the bittersweet memories the place holds for him. He sits on a park bench and makes a conscious effort to look around him and try to see it for the "first time."

When an image of he and Kirsten enters his mind, Jake re-directs his attention back to the moment
filled with buds on trees, squirrels jumping from tree to tree and the blue of the sky.

For a few moments, Jake actually widens his view and his energy is not directed on the past and his breakup with Kirsten.

Find out what brings you relief
Widening his gaze, doesn't necessarily mean that Jake will no longer feel pain or that his broken heart will immediately be healed. This is all a process.

But this practice can help Jake-- or anyone with a broken heart-- to move closer to relief and even ease. He can learn how to
acknowledge the sadness, anger, fear, and other emotions that he's experiencing and then release them.

Jake may still feel pain, but he is developing tools, such as widening his gaze, that help him more easily reach for relief.

With his attention re-directed toward this present moment, Jake can begin to pay attention to what brings more ease to his life.

Jake has always been an avid runner and
he is starting to feel the urge to dig out his running shoes that have been neglected the past few weeks. He thinks that he might even train for a marathon!

You might not be athletically-inclined. Exercise can
truly be a stress-reliever and mood-improver; but you might look to other activities that could add to your relief. 

You might enjoy volunteering, cooking, reading, dancing, building things or even cleaning your home. Use these activities as a way to move through the pain.

Don't throw yourself into any reliever-- no matter what it is-- as a way to numb out or avoid the feelings coming up for you.

Instead, notice and acknowledge your emotions and then decide what you want to do next. A sense of release and ease can also come from journaling or creating rituals to let go of the past.

Remind yourself (and believe it) that you can find relief from broken heart pain. Make it your intention to move toward ease, reach for activities that help you feel better and allow relief to come to you.

Listen to what your inner self needs and grant those inner requests with love.







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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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