Broken Heart Advice: "My Soulmate Just
Left Me for Another!"
By Susie and Otto Collins
When you meet someone, the chemistry seems right and you
begin a relationship together it can be a glorious
It's can be even more intense and special when
you realize that this person you've fallen in love with is
your soulmate. The two of you seem so connected and bonded,
it sometimes feels like you complete one another.
So how can infidelity, hurt and even abandonment happen in a
When your partner betrays you, it can be a painful and
life-altering ordeal. When you consider that partner to be
your soulmate, it may feel even more crushing and
If this is the case for you, you might be confused. After
all, you may wonder, "Isn't my soulmate supposed to be my
How could someone who I have possibly shared
deep love in previous lifetimes with hurt me in this way?
There are a lot of ideas about exactly what a "soulmate" is.
Instead of focusing on the various understandings of this
term, we want to take a closer look at how you might be
feeling right now.
And we want to offer you some tools to begin turning toward
healing and feeling better-- despite what has happened in
your relationship up to this
Peter feels absolutely crushed. He had been riding high for
the past few years in his relationship with Caren.
Very soon after meeting, Peter felt certain that Caren was
The two of them seemed to be so in tune with one another,
words were sometimes unnecessary for communication. The
connection between them was electric and, at the same time,
familiar in a deep way.
When Peter discovered that Caren was having an affair with
an acquaintance of theirs, he didn't believe it at first.
This couldn't happen to soulmates, could it?
hearing Caren's admission with his own ears, Peter feels
like this is all one big, horrible joke.
As Caren packs up her belongings preparing to move out of
their apartment-- and his life, Peter is numb and wonders
how this could have happened.
Acknowledge your pain and then look up.
In a situation where your soulmate leaves you for another
person, we encourage you to make pay attention to where you
If you feel numb, simply affirm to yourself that you
feel numb. If angry, confused, sad, depressed, or other
feelings are your experience right now, acknowledge them.
You don't have to re-list in your mind the events that led
to your partner's affair. Just notice where you are.
Peter is able to recognize his numbness, confusion and
sadness. He also notices that he feels somehow cheated-- not
only by Caren's infidelity, but also by the loss of his
He truly believed that he and Caren would
blissfully live out the rest of their lives together.
After acknowledging what you are feeling, next look up.
symbolic action of "looking up" from where you are to just
beyond the pain of the betrayal you feel, can help you move
out of the stuck place you seem to be in right now.
You might "look up" by doing something different than you'd
Perhaps you choose to take a walk in the woods,
go for a brisk run on the treadmill at the gym, or even
treat yourself to a soothing bath complete with lavender
"Look up" from the pain that may be all you can see right
now and urge yourself to consider the
wider world around you.
This isn't about denying what you
are feeling or even the decisions you might need to make in
the aftermath of your breakup.
Instead, the simple action of widening your gaze and
breaking the pattern of where you are, can help you move
into some ease and even relief.
Notice your stories and then let them go.
Peter does get up from the chair he'd been numbly sitting
in, helplessly watching Caren pack up her things preparing
to leave. He bundles up, steps out into the snowy afternoon
and goes for a walk in a nearby park.
The chill air clears
his mind and moving his body gets Peter's mind also moving
again, unstuck from that place of confusion and
As you start to see more than just the pain of your
current circumstances, you might realize some of the stories
that you are telling yourself right now.
Peter, your story is that you will never find love again now
that your soulmate has left. Unless you can get this person
back into your life, you won't be happy, the voice in your
mind may be telling you.
Just as you acknowledged your feelings, do the same with the
stories or beliefs you have at this time.
We're suggesting that you take a look at the stories you
tell yourself, because often they are the very reasons why
you get stuck in the upset and pain after infidelity.
stories are often the result of years of experience in past
relationships, even what you learned watching the adults in
your life as you grew up.
When you tune in and listen to what you tend to tell
yourself, you can then decide whether those beliefs and
stories are allowing you to live the life you want to live.
On his winter walk in the woods, Peter realizes that he's
created a "this relationship is my only chance at love"
scenario in his mind.
Yes, he still believes that he and Caren are soulmates, but Peter is beginning to question
whether it is in fact true that a relationship with her is
his only opportunity to share love and connection with
Even if the one who cheated and is now leaving you is your
soulmate, you get to decide if you want to one day open up
to close and passionate love again.
We believe that it is
absolutely possible for individuals to attract another
soulmate when they are in alignment with that person.
We think that you can enjoy a deep, intuitive connection
with another-- even if you've already had a relationship
with a different soulmate.
It all depends on what you, yourself, believe is possible.
And it depends on how willing you are to let go of the
stories that you are holding onto that just don't serve you.
Now when Peter notices himself thinking that Caren was his
"only chance at real love," he stops himself mid-thought. He
is trying out new stories that allow him to feel better and
more hopeful about his future.
Peter is still sad and misses Caren and the closeness they shared.
But he realizes that there were reasons why the affair
happened that he also played a part in and he is opening up
to learning from that experience.
It is Peter's intention to
one day create a healthier relationship with his next
partner, who might possibly be another soulmate.
To find your soulmate in a love relationship is truly a
gift. Even if that relationship ends, you can still carry
away the lessons for growth.
This movement toward ease,
relief and-- eventually-- new love can happen most easily
when you acknowledge where you are right now and then choose
to let go of what holds you back creating room for the life
and love you desire.