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Break Up and a Broken Heart

Broken Heart Advice: "My Soulmate Just Left Me for Another!"
By Susie and Otto Collins

When you meet someone, the chemistry seems right and you begin a relationship together it can be a glorious experience.

It's can be even more intense and special when you realize that this person you've fallen in love with is your soulmate. The two of you seem so connected and bonded, it sometimes feels like you complete one another.

So how can infidelity, hurt and even abandonment happen in a soulmate relationship?

When your partner betrays you, it can be a painful and life-altering ordeal. When you consider that partner to be your soulmate, it may feel even more crushing and heart-breaking.

If this is the case for you, you might be confused. After all, you may wonder, "Isn't my soulmate supposed to be my perfect match?"

How could someone who I have possibly shared deep love in previous lifetimes with hurt me in this way?

There are a lot of ideas about exactly what a "soulmate" is. Instead of focusing on the various understandings of this term, we want to take a closer look at how you might be feeling right now.

And we want to offer you some tools to begin turning toward healing and feeling better-- despite what has happened in your relationship up to this

Peter feels absolutely crushed. He had been riding high for the past few years in his relationship with Caren.  Very soon after meeting, Peter felt certain that Caren was his soulmate.

The two of them seemed to be so in tune with one another, words were sometimes unnecessary for communication. The connection between them was electric and, at the same time, familiar in a deep way.

When Peter discovered that Caren was having an affair with an acquaintance of theirs, he didn't believe it at first. This couldn't happen to soulmates, could it?

Even after hearing Caren's admission with his own ears, Peter feels like this is all one big, horrible joke.

As Caren packs up her belongings preparing to move out of their apartment-- and his life, Peter is numb and wonders how this could have happened.

Acknowledge your pain and then look up.
In a situation where your soulmate leaves you for another person, we encourage you to make pay attention to where you are.

If you feel numb, simply affirm to yourself that you feel numb. If angry, confused, sad, depressed, or other feelings are your experience right now, acknowledge them.

You don't have to re-list in your mind the events that led to your partner's affair. Just notice where you are.

Peter is able to recognize his numbness, confusion and sadness. He also notices that he feels somehow cheated-- not only by Caren's infidelity, but also by the loss of his soulmate.

He truly believed that he and Caren would blissfully live out the rest of their lives together.

After acknowledging what you are feeling, next look up.

The symbolic action of "looking up" from where you are to just beyond the pain of the betrayal you feel, can help you move out of the stuck place you seem to be in right now.

You might "look up" by doing something different than you'd usually do.

Perhaps you choose to take a walk in the woods, go for a brisk run on the treadmill at the gym, or even treat yourself to a soothing bath complete with lavender bath salts.

"Look up" from the pain that may be all you can see right now and urge yourself to consider the
wider world around you.

This isn't about denying what you are feeling or even the decisions you might need to make in the aftermath of your breakup.

Instead, the simple action of widening your gaze and breaking the pattern of where you are, can help you move into some ease and even relief.

Notice your stories and then let them go. 
Peter does get up from the chair he'd been numbly sitting in, helplessly watching Caren pack up her things preparing to leave. He bundles up, steps out into the snowy afternoon and goes for a walk in a nearby park.

The chill air clears his mind and moving his body gets Peter's mind also moving again, unstuck from that place of confusion and

As you start to see more than just the pain of your
current circumstances, you might realize some of the stories that you are telling yourself right now.

Perhaps, like Peter, your story is that you will never find love again now that your soulmate has left. Unless you can get this person back into your life, you won't be happy, the voice in your mind may be telling you.

Just as you acknowledged your feelings, do the same with the stories or beliefs you have at this time.

We're suggesting that you take a look at the stories you tell yourself, because often they are the very reasons why you get stuck in the upset and pain after infidelity.

Your stories are often the result of years of experience in past relationships, even what you learned watching the adults in your life as you grew up.

When you tune in and listen to what you tend to tell yourself, you can then decide whether those beliefs and stories are allowing you to live the life you want to live.

On his winter walk in the woods, Peter realizes that he's created a "this relationship is my only chance at love" scenario in his mind.

Yes, he still believes that he and Caren are soulmates, but Peter is beginning to question whether it is in fact true that a relationship with her is his only opportunity to share love and connection with another person.

Even if the one who cheated and is now leaving you is your soulmate, you get to decide if you want to one day open up to close and passionate love again.

We believe that it is absolutely possible for individuals to attract another soulmate when they are in alignment with that person.

We think that you can enjoy a deep, intuitive connection with another-- even if you've already had a relationship with a different soulmate.

It all depends on what you, yourself, believe is possible. And it depends on how willing you are to let go of the stories that you are holding onto that just don't serve you.

Now when Peter notices himself thinking that Caren was his "only chance at real love," he stops himself mid-thought. He is trying out new stories that allow him to feel better and more hopeful about his future.

Peter is still sad and misses Caren and the closeness they shared.

But he realizes that there were reasons why the affair happened that he also played a part in and he is opening up to learning from that experience.

It is Peter's intention to one day create a healthier relationship with his next partner, who might possibly be another soulmate.

To find your soulmate in a love relationship is truly a gift. Even if that relationship ends, you can still carry away the lessons for growth.

This movement toward ease, relief and-- eventually-- new love can happen most easily when you acknowledge where you are right now and then choose to let go of what holds you back creating room for the life and love you desire.







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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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