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Break Up and a Broken Heart

Support After a Breakup: Why It's So Important and Sometimes So Difficult To Get

By Susie and Otto Collins

One of the things that we recommend to anyone who is going through-- or has just been through-- a breakup is to surround yourself with support.

Sure, you might want to be alone right now. There's nothing wrong with being alone to process all of the different emotions that might be coming up for you.

But, it's so important to have the specific kinds of support that you need when you are ready for and want it.

Going from being part of a "couple" to now being single-- even if you are a single parent-- can be a big change. You might feel isolated and so very alone. Knowing that a whole range of support people and resources are out there for you can be a comfort in and of itself.

Why support is important to your healing...

Feeling supported can help ease the scariness that often comes after a breakup or divorce. There might be quite a few things that you are now solely responsible for.

You may be having to pay a mortgage, car payment, debts and other bills with just your income. You could be the primary one responsible for caring for your children. You might be uncomfortable having to fix leaky faucets, doing laundry or any other physical task that your ex used to take care of.

You are possibly also experiencing thoughts and emotions that are painful, uncomfortable and maybe even anxiety-inducing.

Sleeping in an empty bed, eating meals by yourself and not having a partner to share the details of your day with can feel sad and unpleasant.

Being aware that you are not literally alone can go a long way in helping to soothe those intense feelings.

Yes, your friends and family cannot do it all for you and they won't be there for you every minute of every day, but they can be there to "have your back," if you let them.

While your loved ones can't take away the emotional pain you might be feeling, they can provide a sense of bolstering, comfort, assistance and care.

Your support system- in its various forms-- can
provide the gentle nudges you need to help you make completions with your painful past and start to live your life fully again.

How to ask for and receive the kind of support you most want...

The great thing about support after a breakup is that YOU get to choose how much and what kind of support you will ask for and receive.

The trick here is that, first of all, you are required to give yourself permission to open up to what your support system has to offer you.

Too many people have an "I have to do it all by myself" kind of attitude.

They may have been brought up to believe that it is somehow weak or even "wrong" to get help from another person. It might be a source of pride for people like this to accept assistance from others.

If this is anything close to what you believe, gently challenge that belief and attitude.

Think about how you feel when you're alone and facing an obstacle that seems overwhelming or insurmountable.

Invite yourself to think about how different (and possibly improved) it could feel if you had
someone at your back-- whatever "at your back" looks like is up to you.

Once you have given yourself permission to open up to support, get specific.

Make a list of all of the ways that you'd like to be supported. If a particular person or resource comes to mind in connection with a certain form of support, write that down too.

This can include the people who can offer you advice, help with a certain task, engage in trades or exchanges of favors with as well as things like music, books, spiritual practices and more.

When you approach a person with a request for support, share with him or her what you specifically need. If the person is willing and able to give this to you, really open up to what's being offered.

If he or she can't or won't, don't take it personally. Think about some other person or source for what you need.

Appreciate the people and resources that give you support and appreciate yourself for allowing it in.

If you'd like more ideas and help healing your broken heart, sign up for Susie and Otto's FREE mini-course

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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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