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Break Up and a Broken Heart
About Susie and Otto
Break Up and a Broken Heart
Support After a Breakup: Why
It's So Important and Sometimes So
Difficult To Get
By Susie and Otto Collins
One of the things that we recommend to anyone who is going through--
or has just been through-- a breakup is to surround yourself with
Sure, you might want to be alone right now. There's nothing wrong
with being alone to process all of the different emotions that might
be coming up for you.
But, it's so important to have the specific
kinds of support that you need when you are ready for and want it.
Going from being part of a "couple" to now being single-- even if
you are a single parent-- can be a big change. You might feel
isolated and so very alone. Knowing that a whole range of support
people and resources are out there for you can be a comfort in and
Why support is important to your healing...
Feeling supported can help ease the scariness that often comes after
a breakup or
divorce. There might be quite a few things that you are
now solely responsible for.
You may be having to pay a mortgage, car payment, debts and other
bills with just your income. You could be the primary one
responsible for caring for your children. You might be uncomfortable
having to fix leaky faucets, doing laundry or any other physical
that your ex used to take care of.
You are possibly also experiencing thoughts and emotions that are
painful, uncomfortable and maybe even anxiety-inducing.
Sleeping in an empty bed, eating meals by yourself and not having a
partner to share the details of your day with can feel sad and
Being aware that you are not literally alone can go a long way in
helping to soothe those intense feelings.
Yes, your friends and
family cannot do it all for you and they won't be there for you
minute of every day, but they can be there to "have your back," if
you let them.
While your loved ones can't take away the emotional pain you might
be feeling, they can provide a sense of bolstering, comfort,
assistance and care.
Your support system- in its various forms-- can
provide the gentle nudges you need to help you make completions with
your painful past and start to live your life fully again.
How to ask for and receive the kind of support you most want...
The great thing about support after a breakup is that YOU get to
choose how much and what kind of support you will ask for and
The trick here is that, first of all, you are required to
give yourself permission to open up to what your support system has
to offer you.
Too many people have an "I have to do it all by myself" kind of
They may have been brought up to believe that it is
somehow weak or even "wrong" to get help from another person. It
might be a source of pride for people like this to accept assistance
If this is anything close to what you believe, gently challenge that
belief and attitude.
Think about how you feel when you're alone and facing an obstacle
that seems overwhelming or insurmountable.
Invite yourself to think
about how different (and possibly improved) it could feel if you had
someone at your back-- whatever "at your back" looks like is up to
Once you have given yourself permission to open up to support, get
Make a list of all of the ways that you'd like to be
supported. If a particular person or resource comes to mind in
connection with a certain form of support, write that down too.
can include the people who can offer you advice, help with a certain
task, engage in trades or exchanges of favors with as well as things
like music, books, spiritual practices and more.
When you approach a person with a request for support, share with
him or her what you specifically need. If the person is willing and
able to give this to you, really open up to what's being offered.
he or she can't or won't, don't take it personally. Think about
some other person or source for what you need.
Appreciate the people and resources that give you support and
appreciate yourself for allowing it in.
If you'd like more ideas and help healing your broken heart, sign
up for Susie and Otto's
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