Short Term High,
Long Term Poison
By Susie and Otto Collins
"I dug my key into the side of
his pretty little souped up
4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather
I took a Louisville slugger to both
hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."
These lyrics are sung so passionately by country
Carrie Underwood that the idea of tearing up a
partner's property almost seems attractive.
you've experienced infidelity, you may long to
show the one
who wronged you just how angry and hurt you feel
dramatic and destructive way such as this.
revenge tends to offer a sense of excitement and
can be a
high--- but only in the short term.
Whether you are recovering from infidelity or
betrayal, taking revenge against your partner or
only be poison to you in the long term.
satisfying in the moment, but revenge will not
get you any
closer to where you want to be unless where you
want to be
is in more pain and clinging to a difficult
Jessie just found out that her husband Vic has
an affair. A trustworthy friend made a torturous
Jessie's house this afternoon reporting that she
Vic and another woman holding hands and kissing
leaving a nearby hotel.
Jessie has sensed Vic
suspiciously for several months now but has had
clues-until now. Her friend even showed Jessie a
took on her cell phone as evidence.
Jessie is a proud woman and has never tolerated
double crossed. Immediately Jessie begins
she can get back at Vic.
Her first plan is to
run over his
best golf clubs with the car followed up by
nicest suits in their backyard dog run.
finally arrives home for the evening, watch
out-- her plans
only intensify from there.
Will this truly bring me ease?
Even in the midst of shock and rage, Jessie
herself if any of these actions will truly bring
and relief from the pain she is feeling.
there may be
some initial satisfaction in destroying prized
belong to Vic.
But even if she decimated
to Vic-- and even hurt his body physically--
change the fact that Vic violated Jessie's trust
agreements they made in their relationship?
Jessie would still be left with the fact that infidelity
is happening and the aftermath of hurt and angry
she is going through.
When all you want to do is lash out and get back
one who cheated, stop yourself. Ask what will
Maybe it will help you to put space
yourself and your partner or ex-- at least for a
time until you are ready to confront him or her
There may be a friend or family
you find soothing to be around. If so, consider
with this person. For the moment, avoid people
also have been through an affair and still feel
vengeful about it.
Ultimately, decide whether the probable consequences of
the revenge actions you want to take are worth
it. Are you
willing to pay for physical damages to your
partner or ex's
Or, worse, are you prepared to face
ramifications for physically hurting another
will you feel a year from now about the revenge
about take-- no matter how justified it may
How can I honor where I am in healthy ways?
We admit, these suggestions are probably not
accessible to you when you are in the midst of
feelings that are fueling your revenge desires.
wronged and want to do something about it right
Listening to soothing music or meditating are
options you are gravitating to at this moment.
If so, consider healthy ways that you can honor
are right now that you can feel ok about a year
If you need to destroy something, pick out some
plates-- maybe you are tired of that pattern
a pair of safety goggles, put down a drop cloth
backyard and have at it. Smash those plates and
yourself yell and scream if you need to do that
people find rigorous exercise (that will not
hurt their own
bodies) a great outlet for tension and
Go to a
batting cage and, as you smash the baseball into
outfield, allow your anger to flow out of you.
Jessie does run over Vic's golf clubs with the
unfortunately, manages to badly damage her car's
well as Vic's beloved clubs.
She decides that
desires are going to mostly hurt her in the long
down she knows that she needs to let out her
anger in a way
that will allow her to be free of it, not create
Leaving the broken clubs all over the driveway
a simple note to Vic that she will be staying
cousin for a week, she drives off in her damaged
Her cousin is
middle of remodeling her house and Jessie is
looking forward to helping tear out old dry
wall-- with a
Go for the healthier, long term anger and pain
and not the short term revenge "fixes" that will
potentially only leave you feeling worse.
focused not so much on what happened, but on how
to feel and know that you can and will feel