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Revenge After Cheating:
Short Term High, Long Term Poison
By Susie and Otto Collins

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up
4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed
a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."

These lyrics are sung so passionately by country singer Carrie Underwood that the idea of tearing up a cheating partner's property almost seems attractive.

Especially if you've experienced infidelity, you may long to show the one who wronged you just how angry and hurt you feel in a dramatic and destructive way such as this.

It's true, revenge tends to offer a sense of excitement and can be a high--- but only in the short term.

Whether you are recovering from infidelity or another betrayal, taking revenge against your partner or ex will only be poison to you in the long term.

It might seem satisfying in the moment, but revenge will not get you any closer to where you want to be unless where you want to be is in more pain and clinging to a difficult past.

Jessie just found out that her husband Vic has been having an affair. A trustworthy friend made a torturous visit to Jessie's house this afternoon reporting that she spotted Vic and another woman holding hands and kissing while leaving a nearby hotel.

Jessie has sensed Vic acting suspiciously for several months now but has had no clear clues-until now. Her friend even showed Jessie a photo she took on her cell phone as evidence.

Jessie is a proud woman and has never tolerated being double crossed. Immediately Jessie begins plotting ways she can get back at Vic.

Her first plan is to run over his best golf clubs with the car followed up by dumping his nicest suits in their backyard dog run.

And when Vic finally arrives home for the evening, watch out-- her plans only intensify from there.

Will this truly bring me ease?
Even in the midst of shock and rage, Jessie might ask herself if any of these actions will truly bring her ease and relief from the pain she is feeling.

Yes, there may be some initial satisfaction in destroying prized items the belong to Vic.

But even if she decimated everything dear to Vic-- and even hurt his body physically-- would this change the fact that Vic violated Jessie's trust and the agreements they made in their relationship?

Not one bit.

Jessie would still be left with the fact that infidelity is happening and the aftermath of hurt and angry feelings she is going through.

When all you want to do is lash out and get back at the one who cheated, stop yourself. Ask what will truly bring you relief.

Maybe it will help you to put space between yourself and your partner or ex-- at least for a period of time until you are ready to confront him or her with a clear head.

There may be a friend or family member whom
you find soothing to be around. If so, consider a visit with this person. For the moment, avoid people who may also have been through an affair and still feel angry and vengeful about it.

Ultimately, decide whether the probable consequences of the revenge actions you want to take are worth it. Are you willing to pay for physical damages to your partner or ex's property?

Or, worse, are you prepared to face legal ramifications for physically hurting another person?

How will you feel a year from now about the revenge you are about take-- no matter how justified it may seem?

How can I honor where I am in healthy ways?
We admit, these suggestions are probably not very
accessible to you when you are in the midst of torrential feelings that are fueling your revenge desires.

You feel wronged and want to do something about it right now. Listening to soothing music or meditating are probably not options you are gravitating to at this moment.

If so, consider healthy ways that you can honor where you are right now that you can feel ok about a year from today. If you need to destroy something, pick out some old dinner
plates-- maybe you are tired of that pattern anyway.

Put on a pair of safety goggles, put down a drop cloth in your backyard and have at it. Smash those plates and let yourself yell and scream if you need to do that too.

Some people find rigorous exercise (that will not hurt their own bodies) a great outlet for tension and aggression.

Go to a batting cage and, as you smash the baseball into the outfield, allow your anger to flow out of you.

Jessie does run over Vic's golf clubs with the car and, unfortunately, manages to badly damage her car's muffler as well as Vic's beloved clubs.

She decides that her revenge desires are going to mostly hurt her in the long run.

Deep down she knows that she needs to let out her anger in a way that will allow her to be free of it, not create more problems.

Leaving the broken clubs all over the driveway along with a simple note to Vic that she will be staying with her cousin for a week, she drives off in her damaged car.

Her cousin is in the middle of remodeling her house and Jessie is especially looking forward to helping tear out old dry wall-- with a sledge hammer.

Go for the healthier, long term anger and pain relievers and not the short term revenge "fixes" that will potentially only leave you feeling worse.

Keep your mind focused not so much on what happened, but on how you want to feel and know that you can and will feel happy again.







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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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