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Release and Forgive to Rebuild Trust
By Susie and Otto Collins

Phil is stuck re-living the same day over and over and over again. He literally eats the same food at each meal, takes the same steps across the same street, and even has the same conversations with the same people that he did the day before.

This is because he's actually living the "day before" each and every day repeatedly. This is the situation in the 1990s comedic movie "Groundhog Day," of course.

As amusing as it is to watch this character caught in a continual loop of a day, we know that it's just a movie. When you feel stuck in feelings and situations that are so similar to the past you wonder if you're having your own "groundhog day," it's not very funny!

In fact, feeling stuck in the past is often a frustrating, confusing and emotionally draining experience.

In the movie "Groundhog Day," Phil played around in his continual loop of a life causing people to trip and fall on the street, pretending to read other's minds as he already knew what they were going to say, as well as other antics. But, of course, Phil's amusement with this unbelievable situation soon felt confining. He wanted to move on and couldn't.

Your "groundhog day" is probably quite different from the one Phil lives in the movie. It could be that you and your mate become terse with one another or argue when a particular topic comes up.

When you step back from the situation, you realize that you two make just about the same arguments to one another and even have similar reactions about the issue each and every time it emerges.

One thing that does not remain the same is the distance that continues to grow between the two of you. Each time you and your partner make assumptions, allegations, and judgments about one another, you move further apart.

Your own personal "groundhog day."
Perhaps your partner had an affair in the early years of your relationship. You know that the affair has ended, but you just can't seem to let go of the pain and hurt.

Despite the efforts that you both have made, in the back of your mind you fear that another affair will happen-- or that your mate will even return to the person he or she cheated with originally.

Whenever your mate goes out with friends, doesn't return your phone calls quickly, or works late, you become suspicious and afraid. Your questions about your partner's time away from you come out as accusations and the same old, tired out argument in which neither of you "wins" occurs.

At a time like this, you might feel just as trapped in your own repeating reality and emotions as Phil did.

So how did Phil finally break out of his continual loop existence in the movie? Without giving too much of the storyline away, we'll put it simply. He began to act differently and in ways that felt good to both him and the others in his repeating life.

Phil moved on from his "groundhog day" by letting go of past moments and doing so with love.

Holding on to the past hurts you the most.
If your mate had an affair, the last thing you might want to think about is lovingly letting go of the past. You might not want to cling to the pain and hurt, but you also may not feel ready to put the whole thing behind you for various reasons.

We encourage you to go within and figure out what you need to happen so that you can start making a completion about the pain in your past.

This holding onto the past is most likely driving a wedge between you and your partner that keeps growing over time. At the same time, clinging to the hurt and upset feelings of the past negatively impacts you most of all. You are the one burdened by these memories, stories and assumptions. You are the one filling your present moment with the pain of the past.

Isn't it time to treat yourself with love, do yourself a favor and take steps to release the past?

Forgiveness does not equal approval.
When you let go of the affair that your partner may have had-- or other perceived betrayals and hurts-- you are essentially indicating to yourself and your mate that you are done carrying around the pain.

Your forgiveness process might be gradual and involve small steps over time. Or it might happen in a big decision you make to simply forgive and move on.

When you decide to forgive, you are affirming that you are ready to release that past event. Forgiveness does not mean that you are now approving of the affair or the betrayal. It also do not mean that you condone what happened. Forgiveness does not have to include any judgments whatsoever, in fact.

You might choose to start forgiving your partner about all of those "little" things that you hold against him or her on a day to day basis. You can set boundaries and expect agreements to be kept even as you forgive and release.

You might also create a ritual to help you forgive. Consider writing down all of your hurt and angry feelings about the past event you tend to hold onto. Really allow yourself to pour out your emotions in this writing.

Next, take it to a fireplace or campfire and burn it. As you watch the paper curl up in the flames and turn to ashes, feel yourself releasing the past.

What forgiveness does mean is that you are ready to break out of your own "groundhog day" and move on to the happier life you're wanting. Make the completions that you need to make and allow yourself to forgive and release the past. Now you can open up to your present and your future.






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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-459-8121.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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