Rebuilding Tips & Advice
Lies and Lying
Save Your Marriage
Break Up and a Broken Heart
About Susie and Otto
Is Facebook Ruining Your
Relationship?: Jealousy Advice By Susie and Otto Collins
When a couple is trying to rebuild trust and their
after infidelity, jealousy can provide serious roadblocks to
And when it comes to jealousy, one of the big triggers out
appears to be social networking sites on the internet like
Twitter, MySpace and others.
After all, people can share comments, crack jokes and even
this seemingly innocent and harmless virtual communication.
interactions can truly be innocent, but, in some cases, they
to emotional affairs or even physical affairs-- both of
cause further damage to a relationship.
There is a lot of room for confusion and also temptation
comes to social networking sites. This is why many people
Facebook is the reason why their relationship or marriage is
contentious and unhappy.
Jeri gets a sick feeling in her stomach every time she logs
Her husband, Craig, also has a Facebook account
and so Jeri
can read all of his posts, as well as comments that others
written on his "wall."
She has gotten into the habit of frequently checking Craig's
Facebook wall because a woman named "Celia" (whom she
has been commenting a lot on there.
What is troubling to
Jeri is not
so much that another woman is posting on his wall, it's what
There seem to be hidden messages and inside jokes in Celia's
comments on Craig's wall. Something just doesn't feel right
this whole thing to Jeri and it's bringing up a lot of
She has asked Craig about Celia, but he always claims
is holding his past against him and is jumping to
Jeri and Craig have worked so hard to get their relationship
track after Craig's affair two years ago. It feels like this
Facebook thing is ruining it all.
Facebook is not the problem...
If you feel jealous and/or suspicious regarding your
social networking activities, don't blame Facebook or
network it is.
Instead, look at the people involved-- your mate and you.
Own up to your habit of being jealous and also take a close
the real evidence of what is happening on the social
Get to the roots of your jealousy.
Are you spending a lot of
remembering past events in which your partner betrayed you?
still carrying around hurt from his or her infidelity?
If so, take the time to acknowledge that.
Do the healing that you need to do and pay attention when
partner does prove that he or she is trustable again, even
Sometimes, memories of the past can obscure the
that another person is making today.
Above all, continue to bring yourself back to this present
When you read a comment that someone else has made on your
"wall" or site, don't assume anything.
Take the comment for
The bottom line here is to assess what's going on based on
information and not on your fears and guesses.
On the other hand, if what you see on your partner's social
networking page or wall seems inappropriate or betrays
inconsistencies between what he or she ha been telling you
another person reports, follow up.
Look for other clues that
help you determine what is really going on.
Create clear usage agreements.
If you and your partner are trying to rebuild trust after an
it's really important for there to be clear communication
While social networking sites are not the "problem" when it
jealousy and even emotional or physical affairs developing,
be a source of misunderstanding and, yes, temptation.
Come up with specific agreements that you are both
about how you will each interact with others on social
Are there specific people-- possibly from your partner's
it would be wiser to block or "unfriend?"
Will you both
instant messaging or direct messaging others? Will you give
another full access to your accounts?
This has to be a true agreement, however, and not just one
saying "yes" to something that you don't intend on doing.
These agreements may feel restrictive or even invasive, but
are trying to restore your relationship connection and trust
cheating, taking the extra steps can make a positive
Social networking sites can be an enjoyable way to stay
with friends and family.
They can also be a way to have fun
mate. Try flirting with your partner via his or her "wall,"
When used within parameters that feel comfortable and
both of you, social networking does not have to feel like a
In fact, it can actually be a means to
passion and connection.
You can get
instant access to the FREE trust building course by
entering your name and email address in the form