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All You Need is Love to Quit Your
Jealous Habit

By Susie and Otto Collins

If you struggle with jealousy, you may not be too
receptive to the advice that "all you need is love." In fact, if you're in the midst of those intense and seemingly out of control jealous feelings, you might just want to haul off and hit someone who utters those words to you!

Please don't! Instead, give us a few moments to explain what we mean....

A lot of folks have been there. In the midst of jealous emotions, you can hardly think about love, let alone feel it. You could feel certainty that the fact that your partner is talking to another person means that they are having an affair.

Or jealousy might take the form of competitiveness for you. Maybe you feel eaten up inside because, in your eyes, you're nothing compared to a friend, co-worker, family member or another who is so much more_________ than you are. (You can fill in the blank.)

We advocate that you try a "love cure" for your jealous habit. If you look under the surface of jealousy, there always deeper feelings that fuel it. These deeper feelings are usually beliefs and emotions stemming from fear and lack.

It could be that you believe you are inherently lacking-- and your life seems to follow suit. You may often tell yourself that you will never be good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, etc.

Even if you don't literally say words to this effect to yourself, your life choices send this message.

Instead-- or additionally-- you might walk around fearing that you will be betrayed or abandoned. Perhaps your past experiences instilled these fears in you or they may have developed in other ways. The effects are similar as you see the potential for pain and loss everywhere, especially in the actions and words of your partner.

The lack and fear you may be experiencing can seem like a gaping hole within. This hole may even seem bottomless. Jealousy comes in with a false promise to fill that hole as you perceive the financial success of your neighbor, the wit of a friend or the buff body of your brother. "If only I was as ______ as he or she is" might be the words echoing through you.

Some people turn to their partner attempting to fill the lack and fear hole and might even hope to stop the jealousy habit externally. Please remember that no matter how much your mate wants to make you feel better, when it comes to
your jealousy he or she can't.

The great news is that you have the power to let go of jealousy and open up to love and happiness.

You may be familiar with the following scenario: a man and a woman are getting ready to go out. She comes out all dressed up, turns around for the man and asks, "Do I look fat in this outfit?" This is an emotional trap for them both! He can answer that she looks beautiful (and he probably really means it) and she will think he's just saying that because he has to.

Or, he might comment that another dress would be more flattering and, of course, she would immediately deflate, convinced that her body is the size of an elephant-- even though this not what her partner meant!

It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman. When you walk around with a hole of fear and lack inside, the most perfect partner in the world cannot take that hole away. In the classic scenario, when the couple goes out, no matter what outfit the woman decides to wear, if she
feels unattractive and lacking in terms of her beauty, she will undoubtedly compare herself to other women and feel jealous.

The only way to truly fill in that hole of lack and fear and let go of jealousy is to do it yourself. Fill yourself with love.

Nurture love for yourself
Perhaps the very idea of growing and nurturing love for your own self strikes you as uncomfortable, overwhelming, or even inappropriate. If so, start out small. A hole in
your yard is usually filled one shovelful at a time.

You can decide to give yourself at least one "shovelful" of love each day. Make a list of activities you could do that feel self-loving and then do them. These might include a relaxing bath, a massage, time to listen to your favorite
music, or a leisurely walk in a park.

You could also include on your list phrases or words you can begin to say to yourself that make you feel loved and good inside. You might start to notice all of things you do well. Perhaps there are things about yourself that you take for granted but they're really wonderful!

Create space for that love to expand
It's highly likely that the hole of lack and fear
diminishes as you give yourself shovelful after shovelful of love. Not only does this mean that you probably feel better about yourself and are less prone to jealousy, your sense self-love can actually expand.

You can begin to include in your self-appreciation those aspects of yourself that you are most uncomfortable about and bathe those part
in love too.

This may take a conscious effort, but it's worth it!

For example, if you feel self-conscious about your physical appearance, choose not to ask your partner how he or she thinks you look. Instead, take a deep breath and have the courage to look at yourself in the mirror-- more than once.

There might be parts of your body that you'd prefer to look differently; but there are probably parts that you think are acceptable-even attractive! If your mind starts playing the comparing game in a social setting, (where you
ultimately lose and then feel jealous), stop yourself and turn your attention elsewhere.

It take practice, intention and a conscious decision to stop a jealousy habit. It also requires looking at and tending to your lack or fear emotions that often fuel jealousy. It is our belief that as you love yourself more and more completely, can more easily receive the love and connection that your partner offers you.

When it comes down to it, all you really do need is love.







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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-459-8121.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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