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Jealousy
 

Jealous Partner Tips: "Help! My mate feels threatened by my best friend!"
By Susie and Otto Collins

If you've ever been in a situation where your partner is jealous, you probably know how much stress and strain jealousy can be put on a relationship.

Jealousy is uncomfortable and destructive for the person feeling it.  But it's also difficult and upsetting for the partner of the jealous person.

If your partner has is jealous, you might feel wrongly accused or mistrusted. It may seem to you that you have to account for your time away from your mate as if you've committed some kind of a betrayal-- although you know that you haven't.

It could even feel like no matter what you say or do, your partner won't or can't believe you.

This is frustrating! And this whole dynamic of jealousy, mistrust and resentment can create serious distance between you and your mate.

Jessie and Bob have been close friends since elementary school. They've fallen in and out of contact with one another over the years, but particularly since college, the two have relied on one another for for support and advice.

Even though they are both heterosexual, their friendship has never been more than that and they are each happy with this.

Jessie's fiance Rick, however, isn't happy about Jessie and Bob's friendship. He feels like now that he and Jessie are getting married, it's about time for her to radically alter her friendship with Rick.

Bob sees Rick and this so-called "friendship" as a definite threat to his relationship with Jessie.

Needless to say, Jessie and Bob's relationship is becoming more and more strained. Their wedding planning has been put on hold as they each try to figure out a way to resolve this tricky situation.

Communicate Openly and Honestly.
When you are with a jealous partner, it is essential that the two of you develop open and honest communication skills.

There's nothing like misspoken or unclear talk to
set off an argument or insinuate something that is just not accurate.

As sure as you are that your mate has no reason to worry and nothing to be jealous of, make sure you are being transparent and that you speak and act with integrity.

Become aware of how you are communicating and, for a moment, step back and ask yourself if what you are saying could potentially be misunderstood.

When Jessie stops and thinks about the ways that she talks about Rick to her fiance Bob, she can begin to understand why Bob might feel threatened.

Jessie has a lot of respect for Rick and knows how far he's come in his life, overcoming obstacles. She realizes how her sense of respect and pride in her friend's accomplishments might sound suspicious to Bob.

Jessie also realizes that she doesn't offer Bob the same level of verbalized respect. She loves Bob deeply and, yes, she does respect him. At the same time, she knows that she doesn't always express her pride about him to him.

Especially if your partner is jealous of a friend of
yours, it might be helpful for you to take a closer look at how you treat these two special people in your life.

How can you genuinely show your mate that you choose him or her as your partner in this romantic, intimate love relationship? Maybe it's time to say those things that you believe he or she already knows.

Listen and Stay Open.
Jessie decides that she would like to start moving forward planning her wedding with Bob. She doesn't want to lose him and she doesn't think she should have to choose between her friendship with Rick and marrying Bob either.

She asks Bob to sit down with her to talk about the growing disconnection between them as well as their future together. Jessie promises Bob that she'll listen to how he's feeling and stay open to what he has to say.

She also requests that Bob then listen to her and really try to understand about this friendship she has with Rick.

When you communicate with your partner about his or her jealous feelings, you might not listen as closely because you may believe you already know what your mate's going to say.

It is vital that you listen-- even if you don't agree
with what you're hearing. There will be time for you to clarify and clear up inaccuracies.

When you begin a conversation already closed down, it's really not communication at all.

As you listen to your partner talk about his or her
jealous feelings, try to tune in to the needs and emotions he or she might have, rather than the stories that are being told that may or may not be true for you.

When you address what's been communicated, focus mainly on the feelings and needs-- this includes your needs too.

Be sure you are clear about what you want and how you'd like future situations to be handled. This might require that you and your partner make agreements about issues that tend to trigger jealousy in him or her.

This might also require you to set boundaries.

As difficult as jealousy can be to handle, believe it or not, you and your mate can actually come through this more closely connected than before.
You can learn how to communicate with one another in a more honest and open way which will carry over into other areas of your relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 




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