4 Romantic Connectors for Those Times When
You or Your Partner Feels Overwhelmed and Stressed Out
By Susie and Otto Collins
Yvette and Jason have put a lot of energy and heart into
rebuilding trust in their relationship after he had an
affair 2 years ago.
They've come a long way and have changed many of the habits
that tore them apart.
Just like any person, there are times when one or both of
them go through difficulties. This might be related to work,
extended family, their kids, finances or some issue in their
When this feeling of distance begins to form, Yvette starts
to panic inside. She worries about what it means. Is
Jason feeling dissatisfied? Will he have another affair?
None of these thoughts help Yvette make the shift that's
necessary to moving closer to him again-- or to finding out
what's really going on.
We all get stressed out or feel overwhelmed by life
periodically. For some of us, this happens more often than
we'd like it to.
When you or your mate are going through a situation that
causes internal tension, strain and separation in your love
relationship or marriage can also occur.
The person who is feeling overwhelmed might withdraw
somewhat from the relationship-- emotionally, intimately or
in other ways.
And the partner of the stressed out person probably feels
confused and possibly makes up stories in his or her head
about what this behavior
This can be especially tricky if there has been a breach of
trust in the past such as an affair.
When a dynamic like this occurs, what happens next is
It can mean the difference between you and your partner
being able to fully support one another and move closer OR
both of you feeling alone and isolated with a growing wedge
driven between you.
Try a little romance...
During times of stress and strain one doesn't usually think
about romance. In fact, it could be the last thing on either
of your minds.
However, we'd like to you consider the whole concept of
romance in a
Most of us think of flowers, chocolates and passionate
kisses when we hear the word, "romance." But romance can
also mean a strong
emotional attachment or love connection.
When your partner or you are stressed out, having a reminder
that you are loved and deeply cared about by your mate can
help you feel better.
Yvette is able to stop her worrisome thoughts and to
evaluate whether her fears that Jason may be dissatisfied
are accurate in any way.
When she really thinks about it, Yvette cannot find any
valid evidence to truly cause her to suspect that he is
When she backs up, Yvette remembers that Jason was
struggling with his boss recently.
For awhile, Jason would come home every day with accounts of
being chewed out for small mistakes or even things he was
not responsible for.
While Jason hasn't been sharing too many work stories with
her lately, Yvette wonders if these difficulties are still
She decides to create a more loving and relaxing environment
for Jason at home as way to support him and remind him that
he is loved.
4 romantic connectors...
If you or your partner is stressed out, try these ways to
connect and support one another.
#1) Don't over-talk it.
It may be helpful for you to know what's going on with your
mate-- if he or she is willing to talk about it. And it may
be helpful for you to share what's going on with you.
But sometimes re-hashing a situation that is troubling only
causes greater internal strain and
tension. If this is the case for you or your partner, share
the basics so that what's happening is known, but then let
the topic go.
#2) Ask first.
If you have a romantic or supportive idea that you'd like to
do for your partner (or for yourself), check in with your
mate before you make plans.
When a person is stressed out, he or she may feel
heightened and more sensitive than usual. That romantic
concert may sound like a great idea, for example, but if
your partner just wants to be in a quiet space, your
connector may back-fire.
#3) Create a romantic environment.
A relaxing and ease-ful environment can make a world of
difference. Have you ever walked into a room and almost
instantly felt calmer and more serene?
You can create a space like this in your own home.
Clear away the clutter, pile up pillows and blankets, play
soft music and lower the lights and burn candles if such an
environment would feel relaxing to you both.
Once you've created a calm space for you and your mate, sit
closely together and just soak up the
#4) Remember the power of touch.
There's nothing like a hug or a gentle caress when you've
had a tough day. Of course, there might be moments when you
or your mate may not want to be touched and, instead, need
some time alone.
But when you are together, reach out and express your love
through touch. You could offer (or request) a shoulder and
neck massage or you might just hold hands.
Use physical contact to remind one another that you are here
and that you love each other.