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4 Romantic Connectors for Those Times When You or Your Partner Feels Overwhelmed and Stressed Out
By Susie and Otto Collins

Yvette and Jason have put a lot of energy and heart into rebuilding trust in their relationship after he had an affair 2 years ago.

They've come a long way and have changed many of the habits that tore them apart.

Just like any person, there are times when one or both of them go through difficulties. This might be related to work, extended family, their kids, finances or some issue in their relationship.

When this feeling of distance begins to form, Yvette starts to panic inside. She worries about what it means. Is Jason feeling dissatisfied? Will he have another affair?

None of these thoughts help Yvette make the shift that's necessary to moving closer to him again-- or to finding out what's really going on.

We all get stressed out or feel overwhelmed by life periodically. For some of us, this happens more often than we'd like it to.

When you or your mate are going through a situation that causes internal tension, strain and separation in your love relationship or marriage can also occur.

The person who is feeling overwhelmed might withdraw somewhat from the relationship-- emotionally, intimately or in other ways.

And the partner of the stressed out person probably feels confused and possibly makes up stories in his or her head about what this behavior
could mean.

This can be especially tricky if there has been a breach of trust in the past such as an affair.

When a dynamic like this occurs, what happens next is crucial.

It can mean the difference between you and your partner being able to fully support one another and move closer OR both of you feeling alone and isolated with a growing wedge driven between you.

Try a little romance...
During times of stress and strain one doesn't usually think about romance. In fact, it could be the last thing on either of your minds.

However, we'd like to you consider the whole concept of romance in a
different way.

Most of us think of flowers, chocolates and passionate kisses when we hear the word, "romance." But romance can also mean a strong
emotional attachment or love connection.

When your partner or you are stressed out, having a reminder that you are loved and deeply cared about by your mate can help you feel better.

Yvette is able to stop her worrisome thoughts and to evaluate whether her fears that Jason may be dissatisfied are accurate in any way.

When she really thinks about it, Yvette cannot find any valid evidence to truly cause her to suspect that he is cheating.

When she backs up, Yvette remembers that Jason was struggling with his boss recently.

For awhile, Jason would come home every day with accounts of being chewed out for small mistakes or even things he was not responsible for.

While Jason hasn't been sharing too many work stories with her lately, Yvette wonders if these difficulties are still continuing.

She decides to create a more loving and relaxing environment for Jason at home as way to support him and remind him that he is loved.

4 romantic connectors...
If you or your partner is stressed out, try these ways to connect and support one another.

#1) Don't over-talk it.
It may be helpful for you to know what's going on with your mate-- if he or she is willing to talk about it. And it may be helpful for you to share what's going on with you.

But sometimes re-hashing a situation that is troubling only causes greater internal strain and
tension. If this is the case for you or your partner, share the basics so that what's happening is known, but then let the topic go.

#2) Ask first.
If you have a romantic or supportive idea that you'd like to do for your partner (or for yourself), check in with your mate before you make plans.

When a person is stressed out, he or she may feel
heightened and more sensitive than usual. That romantic concert may sound like a great idea, for example, but if your partner just wants to be in a quiet space, your connector may back-fire.

#3) Create a romantic environment.
A relaxing and ease-ful environment can make a world of difference. Have you ever walked into a room and almost instantly felt calmer and more serene?

You can create a space like this in your own home.
Clear away the clutter, pile up pillows and blankets, play soft music and lower the lights and burn candles if such an environment would feel relaxing to you both.

Once you've created a calm space for you and your mate, sit closely together and just soak up the

#4) Remember the power of touch.
There's nothing like a hug or a gentle caress when you've had a tough day. Of course, there might be moments when you or your mate may not want to be touched and, instead, need some time alone.

But when you are together, reach out and express your love through touch. You could offer (or request) a shoulder and neck massage or you might just hold hands.

Use physical contact to remind one another that you are here and that you love each other.


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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-459-8121.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email

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