Can You Affair-Proof Your
By Susie and Otto Collins
A recent internet ad asked "Why men withdraw"
and then made
the offer: "Learn the secret to creating
intense he never leaves you."
If you've ever
or fearful that your love will commit
infidelity, or end
your relationship in this or another way, you
may be tempted
by this advertisement and purported relationship
But is it possible to truly affair-proof your
Can you realistically prevent your mate from
trust and/or abandoning you in some other way?
The answer to these questions is not an easy
"yes" or "no."
Yes, of course, there are ways to deepen your
stay close with the one you love.
and spark between you two is one possible
other hand, you can't make it so that your
leaves you." As uncomfortable as it is to hear,
partner is his or her own person and makes
you may be able to influence, but ultimately not
The good news is, you can enjoy the kind of
you've always wanted.
You can take steps to be
open and connected with your mate and, quite
experience a long-lasting, relationship where
Heidi is turning 40 this year and the closer it
gets to her
birthday, the more depressed and even despairing
She's always been attractive, catching the eye
whistles) of men.
Of course she knows she is
more than just
a pretty face but she also realizes how much she
losing her physically pleasing attributes as she
She is even more fearful of losing her husband
and, even worse, of him leaving her for a
Richard has given Heidi no
doubt his commitment to her and their
relationship, but as
they make love and he comments appreciatively
body, she inwardly cringes thinking of the
decline that's already started. She wonders how
she can keep
her man as she ages and, in her mind, loses her
Change the questions.
Rather than agonizing over how you can prevent
from cheating on you whether you're concerned
beauty (or perceived lack thereof), or other
might try asking yourself different questions.
Heidi might choose to set aside her worries
older and, instead, focus on what she wants from
relationship with Richard.
It may seem scary,
just a moment-- don't concern yourself with how
to make it
to the golden years together with your love.
Come back to
this moment in time and allow yourself to
celebrate what you
like about your relationship and how you could
enhance closeness between the two of you. Why
are you with
You might also ask yourself why you are worthy
of love and a
committed relationship. This is kind of a trick
because you may find that you don't believe
yourself to be
worthy or lovable.
Heidi realizes how much she
her perceptions of herself as beautiful for her
worthiness. She can even remember being told as
a child that
her looks are her most valuable asset.
believe those limiting words, a part of her does
belief just doesn't serve her. Essentially, this
of her fears and negative feelings about getting
exercise of answering the question, "In what
ways am I
worthy of love?" can help Heidi to affirm and
embrace all of
her great attributes and even see the positive
tendencies she has that she's not so proud of.
Try to see
if you can think of at least 5 reasons why you
What does attraction have to do with it?
When it comes down to it, how many affairs
because of physical attraction? There probably
cases of infidelity that seem to be about sheer
lust. But there's always a deeper level to
affairs are about much more than one person
to another person-- even if the attraction is on
emotional level. It is often the case that an
of distance (to varying degrees) exists in a
where infidelity happens.
The pleasing aspects
person can be a factor, but this is probably not
cause of the affair.
To put this another way, no matter how
physically attractive Heidi keeps herself, if
Richard allow emotional walls to form between
them and they
are not communicating and loving one another in
ways, either of them may choose to leave the
This could take the form of a trust betrayal
like an affair.
While "intense attraction" is certainly an
aspect to many
close, passionate love relationships, we don't
element alone can guarantee your mate will never
or have an affair. The best infidelity
we know of
When your connection is strong
and you two
are continually moving closer to one another, it
likely you will each keep the agreements you
made and love