Rebuilding Tips & Advice
Lies and Lying
Save Your Marriage
Break Up and a Broken Heart
About Susie and Otto
Save Your Marriage
"Can I save my marriage when I'm not
even sure he REALLY stopped the
By Susie and Otto Collins
Kendra does not know what to believe from her husband,
anymore. She desperately wants to somehow pull her marriage
back together again.
The trouble is, she's not sure how.
When Kendra confronted James with her suspicions that he was
an affair, he finally admitted it. He told her that he'd
cheating with a woman he works with for over 3 months now.
heated and emotional talk, James promised Kendra that he
the affair and concentrate on rebuilding trust in their
This was over a month ago.
Still today, Kendra can't be sure that he really did stop
cheating. Continued questions about James' behavior nag at
and stand in the way of her trusting him again.
more distance and tension between them.
Is there hope for this marriage?
When you find out that your spouse is having (or has had) an
and you give him or her a second chance, a lot of healing
You and your partner are required to step up and put
extra effort in order for trust to begin to rebuild.
But, if you aren't even certain that your spouse followed
and ended the affair, you might feel as if healing and trust
rebuilding are on hold.
How can you possibly begin to
spouse-- and restore your relationship-- if you don't even
sure that he or she has fully re-committed to you?
Get clear about whether you will stay in or leave your
When you first found out about the affair, perhaps you
give your mate another chance without thinking all that
Maybe your first reaction was to do whatever you
get your spouse to stay with you and you offered less
whether or not staying is in your best interests.
If you have children together, you may have felt even more
internal push to try and save your marriage... even if it
against what your instincts were telling you.
While we will not attempt to tell you whether you should
stay or go,
we will urge you to give this careful thought.
It is so important for you to give yourself permission to
consider whether staying or leaving your marriage is what's
you (and for your children too).
Try to look at your situation from the perspective of an
much as your can. This isn't about what is the "right" thing
this is about determining what is the wise thing to do.
*For more advice to help you decide whether to stay in or
click here to receive a free e-mail mini-course.
If you stay, what are your conditions?
If you do choose to stay, it's also a good idea to be very
about the conditions of you staying.
It is most certainly true that learning to trust your spouse
after infidelity amounts to a leap of faith.
It is also true
you do NOT have to make this leap of faith blindly or in the
too many unresolved issues.
For example, if you aren't sure that your partner actually
the affair, isn't it time to become more sure?
would take for you to feel more certain that he or she has
cheating and then make requests of your partner.
This might involve your partner giving you access to his or
her e-mail and social network accounts as well as cell phone
Whatever level of transparency will help you feel more sure
affair truly is over can make a difference.
Be sure that you are acknowledging those times when your
show that he or she is trustable. Keep yourself living in
present moment and do not continually hold the past against
partner-- this will only trap you both in the pain of the
When you set the conditions for you staying in your
specific and be willing to follow through and, if necessary,
leaving if your conditions are not met.
Look at the "big picture."
Because your partner is the one who cheated, the onus for
transparent and for proving trustability to you is on him or
At the same time, you would be missing a significant part of
"picture" if you only focused on the infidelity.
You also need to identify the relationship habits that have
developed in your marriage that contributed to the distance
tension and that may have played a role in the affair
This isn't about you being the one to blame for his or her
This is about you realizing that some of your habits may
partly responsible for you two moving far apart.
If your intention is to try and move closer together again--
rebuild trust-- you need to figure out those disconnecting
then practice new ones.
You can get
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